saw a post on here that really validated how i’m feeling so i decided why not let the rest out

i have a primary partner of 2 years, and have been casting my net per say for the past couple months

now i’m the type of person that loves A Lot (maybe too much) and desires a lot of attention and communication especially when i’m currently involved with them. im also the type of person that never tells anyone how i’m feeling in the event i upset or even lose them

i’ve had a person in the past (and ig current) that shows up and disappears in my life, the longest stretch was about 3 months and then randomly texting me. they forget out call dates ( we’re long distance) and netflix dates we’ve planned. at this point my brain has put them in the cardboard file box labeled “if they wanted to, they would’ve” i.e. if they really wanted to spend time with me like they’ve said, they would’ve, and i’ve come to terms with it

i’m currently seeing this new guy and he’s honestly pretty great. i really enjoy his company and spending time with him. recently it’s been a little tough, i recently quit my job giving me a lot of free time (which in my case is not the best thing) and he has a lot of stressful personal things on his plate

the past 2 weeks has not been the best communication wise and it has been tearing me into shreds. the other night he was having a rough time and i was just lost for words most of time and was really struggling on what to say without sounding stupid or not pushing to help how he was feeling bc sometimes i do that when it’s not wanted. he ended up calling it a night and i was left stress crying bc i felt useless. all day all i wanted was to just talk shit with him and i ended up feeling like a fuck up

honestly none of this really matters bc this morning he texted me a cute good morning message but my brain can’t help out of instinct to think i fucked something up

good thing talk therapy exists