With respect to your partners autonomy and any boundaries that you might have set up, how far is to far for first meetups of new people in your relationships?

For example for myself only I don’t like to be physical on the first meetup/date unless it’s known that they would want to be physical and talked with me about it. My partner on the other hand is a wild card it’ll go one of two ways. She’ll either dislike them and cut the date short or come back late and fill me in as needed.

This first meeting with a guy she really enjoys she came back home (we’re nesting partners) and had a bite mark and had over shared a bit and mentioned spitting. To which I kind of scoffed at as if to say I was annoyed by it because I find spitting to be really disrespectful. I did bring it up respectfully and say that it made me uncomfortable that it happened especially on a first meet. I’m not imposing my own rule for myself on her no. Don’t assume that please, just expressing my own comfort level. That I thought it went to far and we should find a compromise on what’s acceptable. Haven’t come to that conclusion yet.

Another question to ask is that if you felt overshadowed by a new partner how would you express it?

For example recently closed on a home, the same day the man mentioned above came back from Korea and really wanted to see my partner. I didn’t realize until later that I did actually have reservations about it either way I was invited out as well by someone who wanted to see me again so I went updated my partner as needed when things became physical. I then proceeded to start planning the move in to the new home. I started to feel as though I was the only one doing things to move in and complete the renovations this week as two days later she saw the gentleman again. On both occasions she got home around 3-5 Am Not an issue apart from the fact that it made me miss a doctors appointment and put me behind schedule on the renovation because I wasn’t expecting to be working alone.

Finally Thursday I asked her to please not see him until the move in was done as I’m on vacation and only have 14 days to get this all done. She did agree but then overshared again and kept talking about how she was upset because he kept asking her to stay over. As I put it in my message to her “it’s totally fine to be excited about this person but you’re hyper fixated and I really need help”. Friday she sent another blurb about him asking to see her and I finally just emotionally unloaded and said I was tired of every day this week rewording my feelings to get her to understand that I’m being made to feel inferior and that this whole event (me meeting my friend and her meeting the new man)has overshadowed us getting our first home and finally being free of the restrictions and responsibilities we’ve had for almost 2 years living with her family.

Since my last post here I was kinda called shit because I made some really controlling confrontational and manipulative statements I want to add a note that if any of this sounds bad I do take full accountability of what I’m saying. I’m sorry if my choice of words implies anything mentioned above I’m really not about that I’m just wanting perspective of other poly people and other nesting partners.