I’ve had a few recent (very different) experiences with people making it clear they don’t consider my (solo poly) relationships with my partners as ‘real’ because they don’t match what they think of as a ‘real’ relationship.

• Example 1 - Good friends told me the only thing wrong with [local partner] is that he’s married to someone else.
• Example 2 - A guy at a party realised my partner and I were in an open relationship and started very obnoxiously trying to pick me up (insulting my partner, physically trying to wedge himself between me and my partner, negging me). This one was pretty easy to shrug off - dude was a total douche. There was also almost certainly some ‘oh you’re a slut’ elements at play - douchebag really wanted something to stick his dick into. The host was great when I told her what was going on.
• Example 3 - I have a comet I’ve seen for 15 years who I’ve mentioned a few times, but my local friends forget he exists so every time I mention him I have to go back through the explanation. I mean whatever, they’ve never met him.

The first stung the worst by quite a bit. I have talked with that couple multiple times about why dating a married man is working really well for me. And it is working so well for me. This relationship is making me really happy and feels so incredibly healthy. And if he weren’t married, it would work as well because there would be way more Relationship Escalator pressure and as someone who really really prefers to live solo, that would really does not work well for me.

So… how do you guys deal with non-poly people who don’t think your relationships matter because your relationship isn’t what they think of as a ‘real’ relationship?

EDIT: I am contemplating asking the couple if they’d like me to use their relationship as an example of why I don’t want a monogamous relationship should they bring this up again. I think (given other aspects of our relationship), this might be taken as a reasonable, tongue in cheek way to get them to rethink their assertion that their marriage is by definition better than anything that doesn’t have marriage as an end state.

And… I find the idea of exclusively surrounding myself with people who are entirely uncritical of relationship issues both unreasonable and pretty unappealing.