My nesting partner is in the restaurant business and very social. She often goes to bars after work to meet friends. She often goes to friends places after the bars, and I will get a text late at night letting me know she’s not coming home.

I have no problem with her spending time with friends, and no problem with her drinking and not coming home, as long as I get a message, so that I don’t wake up in the morning panicking, calling her to see if she’s ok, and her not answering because she’s sleeping. She often didn’t text before, but now does.

Tonight I picked her up from work, and right before getting home she asked to get dropped off at a local bar to meet a friend/coworker to talk about work. No problem. Right before she got out of the car, I semi jokingly asked if she was coming home later. She paused, then said probably not, and that a recent new partner MAY be coming by and she MAY stay with him.

I have no problem with her going out, having fun, meeting up with a new partner and staying at their place. What I don’t like is how I had to ask for more info to be told this.

I drove home, was a bit flustered, drove back to the bar, pulled her outside for a second and told her just that. She can do whatever she wants, just be honest. She responded with that she wasn’t sure that her new partner would even show up or that she’s stay with him at all. I felt like it was just unneeded sneakiness. She responded in just the right way to have just enough plausible deniability to try and diffuse my feelings

Am I being too uptight and paranoid about this? Or should I let this go?