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Hi guys
Needing a bit of help here as I'm being told I'm over reacting and I feel I have legitimate issues that need addressed.
I'm in an open relationship with my partner, now there is an age gap but they were poly before we got together and they have seen several other partners, including a trip to a swingers party with another partner. I have been supportive of this as I don't want them to miss out on stuff just because I hate big crowds of strangers.
The problem is whenever I am trying to find or meet with other partners I get grumbles from my partner, let's call her Nadia to save on writing out my partner every time.
An example this week was I started talking to a girl off reddit and discover she lives bout 20 min walk from me. Things go well and we start to discuss meeting. I say to Nadia and the first complaint is 3 days time is too short of notice and they need more time to get used to the idea. Nadia asks if I have any concerns at all and I say that it seems reddit girl has a partner and might not have told them about her playing with others. Nadia immediately declares that if reddit girls partner isn't aware then I'm not allowed to see them. And I must ask to find out. I send a message and don't get a responce.
Now reddit girl and myself had pencilled in Friday night, yesterday as a potential meet time. I hear nothing so assume the plans have fallen through and I'm getting ghosted, not uncommon. But Nadia now tells me that she found reddit girls fetlife profile through mine and has been in touch directly with them and that her partner doesn't know about her playing with others. But I'm not allowed to be mad as Nadia only got in touch as they were interested in some of their kinks and wanted to discuss them so because she had good intentions I can't be mad.
I don't believe for a second that was Nadia' s intention. But Nadia is having such a strop about me being unhappy with her policing my potential other partners that I'm beginning to doubt my feeling this was a major boundary overstep.
Just to give some additional context that may apply, Nadia suffers from autism and borderline personality disorder.
I'm just at a loss just now and was looking for some advice to try and help sort stuff before I just pull the plug on the whole relationship, any advice is appreciated, thanks
Thanks for that. I think mostly I need to hear from impartial parties. I was getting half convinced I was over reacting. It's soothing to hear others reply with thoughts I pretty much had. Thanks for taking the time to reply
Aye, agreed, my initial aim was to show transparency as Nadia has been in a relationship where alot of stuff got hidden etc, but this was a major overstep and won't be allowed again.
Yeah, and that has been brought up. We've talked and I think I made my points and they took them on board. Hopefully we can move past all this. Just needed some confirmation that I wasn't being unreasonable to be able to make my points clearly when talking to them
Without the first five words I'd say that was a fair comment. I will point out that I do love Nadia and am not happy with denigrating, judgemental comments like Nadia is a jerk. That's never gonna go over well with anyone
Subreddit
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- 3 years ago
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- reddit.com/r/polyamory/c...
Yeah, I understand, but these are factors that need to be taken into account when approaching topics.