So to recap, the woman (33f) that I (30f) had been dating along with my husband (41m) broke up with me last month horribly. The whole month of December and into the new year has been hell. My husband and I have been on the brink of divorce because I kept telling him I felt like I had just been used to get to him and that she was manipulating our relationship. He made a suggestion that I seek out therapy to help deal with this and past problems that are resurfacing. I agreed but that I wanted both of us to attend as individuals and as a couple. I found out later that she was the one to tell him that I needed therapy. He has been completely insistent that she has done nothing wrong and I’m just lashing out in hurt and anger and that this has mostly been his fault. I’m trying to put the blame on everyone’s individual actions, including my own. She has now broken up with him but how she did it was horrible, she reached out to me the night before and asked me to tell him that she was ending the relationship because she didn’t feel comfortable messaging him anymore. I told her no and that if she was going to end it, then she should be the one to talk to him. She also promised me that she was not going to reach out to him anymore to give us space to deal with everything. I found out that her way of talking to him was to send him the screenshots of all our messages. I was furious at the violation because I never gave consent nor known if I hadn’t asked him what she had said. Just 2 days later she’s messaging him again checking up on him and I didn’t find out until Christmas Day. I was angry and hurt by not being told and by her breaking her promise. He told her the next time she messaged him that he wasn’t supposed to be talking to her, she has now blocked me on everything and deleted most of her messages to him but left him open to talk to her. I finally realized what has been bugging me into thinking that she wanted to split us up, she told him days before she broke up with me what she was planning on doing but told him not to tell me, then she told me at the end of her break up text that she didn’t know what he had told me but… This is what prompted me to ask him what she meant and he told me that he had known but didn’t want to break her trust. Then days later when I did try to talk to her, she said it again. If she told him not to tell me, why would she prompt me into finding out that he knew? I tried really hard to build our separate relationship but other than one date, every time I planned something, she would either go and invite my husband without me knowing or she would make other plans last minute. Now I’m being painted as a UH while I feel like I was treated as the unicorn. She even told me that it never occurred to her that I wouldn’t want an asexual relationship with her. I just can’t shake the feeling that none of this was an accident, she was in the USMC for 11 years and a staff sergeant, she doesn’t do anything without a plan and my husband has been blaming me and even told me he wanted me to get past this so he could resume their relationship. I hate that I felt like I had to do this but I said no, that even as a meta, I would be impacted by the relationship and I don’t trust her and she’s done nothing to regain that trust. I told him that if he wanted to be with her, it would be without me because I wasn’t going to put myself or our children in that situation. She has definitely reminded me too on why I don’t accept things from people because every time we’ve talked, she’s brought up all the gifts she bought my kids and when she would clean my house when I was busy with work or school. My husband has now sworn off polyamory all together but I told him I was at least going to take a break from dating until I finish college. I honestly don’t think I can date another woman again after this. I’m tired of feeling used and then abandoned with nothing.