We’ve talked about this plan for a couple weeks now and I’ve been dreading it ever since. Today they finally went to go stay over for today, tomorrow and maybe the next day as well, unconfirmed. I just feel sick to my stomach, I don’t have the motivation to do anything. To distract myself from this. I just want these days to be over and done with.

We’ve still had some communication, they know how hurt I am and I realize that they can’t do anything to help me while gone. I’ve been told I’m loved, that there is nothing to be scared about. They’ve reassured me so many times but I just have these rollercoasters emotions of sadness, spite, anger, etc.

I realize I’m jealous and feeling insecure. The last thing I want to do is have them worrying and not have a good time away because of me. I can just feel their new relationship energy and it hurts. They said they wanna enjoy this for a long as they can because it doesn’t last forever. Also their solution to them being away for these days is that I get New Years night, I don’t see it as equal. One night for 3 days? They spend much more time together then we do, is it ever going to be truly fair and equal? Does any of this get better and easier? I just don’t know what to do or think and just hurt so badly inside.