I’m so so nervous. I’ve just had my first cold sore outbreak, and must have been exposed recently because I tested negative for both HSV 1 & 2, so I’ll retest in a couple months. It’s been months since I’ve been with someone other than my husband, and he hasn’t done anything with anyone but me since we’ve been married, for a year, though I don’t think he’s ever been tested, but I would have probably gotten a positive test if it was from him.

ANYWAY, here’s my question. So I’ve learned that you can shed the virus without symptoms, though I’ve heard people can have the same partner for years and never have an issue passing it. Also that HSV 1 & 2 aren’t strict with oral/genital regions. So I have a couple concerns.

1. Me performing oral sex on someone else while unknowingly shedding the virus and them dealing with everything (the stigma) that genital herpes entails

2. Because it’s so common, worrying about someone going down on my husband and shedding without knowing and giving me genital herpes.

I’m also concerned because we plan on having another baby at some point and I’m terrified of having an outbreak and exposing a baby by way of birth.

How do you approach this? I really just want to shut the whole thing down because without kissing and oral sex, saliva sharing, it feels like there’s not much to really do as far as sex beyond just the Main Event. I’m just having a lot of worries about this. Any information/experience would be super helpful.

I also apologize if I come off as shaming in any way to those who have genital or oral herpes. I know it doesn’t make you dirty, I just struggle with the idea.