My boyfriend and I have been having some conflicts. It's partly about him feeling neglected, and like I don't give him enough attention, and me wanting my own time and space... We don't "live together", but he spends about half his nights at my place, and a little less than half at his other girlfriend's place. There has also been a little conflict around her... He was kind of thoughtless for a while after he met her and was having intense NRE. We had to work out a schedule. Anyway, we've been working on solving this, on making some compromises on both sides.

Yesterday, my boyfriend told me that he had been thinking about what I said, that I don't know if I can meet his needs for attention, and that he thinks maybe I'm right, and maybe we need to take a step back. And I felt so relieved. Because I really have been feeling claustrophobic, and stressed because I can't seem to make him happy, and wanting some independence and freedom back. I don't know how much will change in practice. But I don't think I'm going to lose him. I think we may be able to find a relationship that works for us. The way he put it was, that he thinks he needs to just reframe our relationship, and maybe stop thinking of me as his primary, in order to help him change his expectations of me. And the thing is, I could be hurt at the idea of no longer being the "primary" partner, but instead I'm relieved that he's found a way to accept me for who I am and what I'm able to give him. If he's still looking for more time and attention and entwinement than what I am giving him now, that's something I really just can't give him. And I want him to be happy, so I'm relieved that he's realized he may need to look elsewhere to fill those needs.

Also, my relationship with my other partner has been particularly intimate lately. I've been with him on and off for almost two years, but he... doesn't attach easily and is quite avoidant, plus he.... It's a long story, but he's not sure how he feels about polyamory, so he doesn't quite think of me as his girlfriend. After all this time there's incredibly little entwinement. But the thing is that things are gradually changing. It seems like he's finally ready to have a deeper relationship. We've talked several times about how he really just attaches at a glacial pace. It's really hard for him to trust. I have been in love with him almost since we met, but I've given him all the time and space he needs, and I really am feeling so much more closeness and intimacy and trust with him lately.

I just think it's really beautiful how, with polyamory, because we aren't dependent on one person to meet all our needs, we can allow relationships to ebb and flow, and give our partners freedom to be who they are and have the space they need. And I'm really happy with the flow of things in my relationships right now.