Cross-posted as I was told to come here.

So context I am dating both of them, they are dating eachother, and there are a few other "partners" I use the term loosely because its LDR for most of them,, and in the case of them both one of the people they called a partner who only viewed them as a friend. Also 26 is asexual and only really wants kissing and handholding. The two of them live together and I visit once a week and spend about 12 hours over there.

Idk how to explain it but I know all relationships are different and that you will do different things with different people. But we all share lots of common interests and I feel that I get different treatment because they see me in person and idk how to explain things in a manner that will make them understand im unhappy with this treatment.

However the "partners" of 31 do apparently share common interests such as text based role playing from our favorite shows and games over discord. Like the other day we were having a movie night and I watched him carrying on multiple texts based RP's with people who i know yet getting him to reply to or take interests in the stuff we have going on is like pulling teeth, and I'm frequently left hanging "because he has no inspiration" while I see him talking to these people.

When I stay the night, which is usually once a month normally I sleep in a chair and ottoman crammed into the ones bedroom. And every week when I show up to even hang out the chair is always full of things like their clothing and food. ( Long story short they live with 26'd bro and he's a food thief so their stuff is in their rooms). I come over on the same day each week so its not like suprise, and he claims he was busy/tired ect.

Now due to issues 26's Bro is moving out of their condo (in about 2 weeks) and 31 has a friend (just a friend not a partner) who's close in age and was living in a crappy situation and had to either be homeless or move back in with abusive parents. This person had previously stayed with them for several months I encourage them to move them in for money reasons and once the bro was gone they'd have their own space once we cleaned it out.

Before this person arrives 31 decides that they have to detail clean the kitchen (they eat a lot of microwave meals and fast food) and take all of the kitchen utensils that they didn't want 26's brother to break that I bought them because they didn't have much and put them in the kitchen. Before this person's arrival the 2 of them spent a lot of time and effort deep cleaning their place and 31's bedroom. I helped and put in just as much effort as them. And while realistically I understand that they had to make space for this person and their personal effects, they didn't want to do any of this when it was just me hanging out over there. And I would have understood a bit better if they moved all the stuff to 26's room until the brother left.

I wound up agreeing to go pick up the friend with them they came via train and it was a sketchy part of town it was easily a 1.5 to 2 hour drive. 31 decided to pack their friend a lunchbox to eat in my car on the way home. I have a specific food allergy and 31 makes them a drink containing my allergin and I said nothing, because as long as I wasn't touching or drinking it I should be fine as it wasn't a potent smelling thing. We arrive and pick up the friend, The friend had 2 large bags and a Box 31 gets out to help them and 26 tries to as well I told him not to because a) he is currently injured and b) I didn't want to be alone in the car sketchy part of town. The friend ends up falling over and he busts out of the car to help which upset me because I was left alone granted it was only 30ish feet away. I didn't get a sorry, or thank you for driving, nor repayment of gas.

Edited to add: another example of this is 31, his friend and i all play genshin_impact. His friend before moving up here lived in a different time zone, 31 only worked part time on day shift, and I work full time graveyard shift. 31 was always playing with his friend and their friends and whenever I needed help or wanted to play he was either always full, or would be like well my friend can only play at X time which is when I'd be sleeping for work. He suggested it several times Until finally I had to point out that our schedules would not lineup so he should just play with his friend. So I had to either do it myself or find outside help from the community.

TLDR: my partners seem to put less effort into me when it comes to doing things with others in our circle and idk how to convey that feeling in a manner that they'll understand and not tell me "well I get to see you in person so its different"