I asked a similar question but this is a bit clarified after a few days of talking.

My primary/nesting partner of 8 years and I are in a really bad spot together. She wants to temporarily close the relationship for a few months so we can go to counseling together and work out some recent issues we’ve had. The problems have nothing to do with having an open relationship, and the open relationship hasn’t caused any problems or made existing problems worst.

We only opened our relationship recently, and currently I’m only dating one girl I’ve seen about 4 times now. I don’t think it’s right or fair to myself or the girl I just started seeing to have to put things on a hiatus.

The only thing I see beneficial about this is that the new girl and I aren’t exactly long term partners yet. When I tell her what’s happening, I’m going to simply say that I understand I can’t ask her to wait for me and don’t expect her to, and that I hope she has time and is willing to spend it with me after this is done.

I’m also going to be very clear with everyone that this can’t and won’t happen again. My primary is new and hasn’t done all the reading that I have to understand why this isn’t ok. I’m going to get a poly friendly counselor, and maybe the counselor can better explain to her what is so wrong about this.

Like I said, good thing is the girl I’ve been seeing isn’t super involved or connected yet, but it still sucks. Also, at least my primary and I will be in a better position to move foreword after.

We truly have no real problems with jealousy or seriously dating other people. We just have some very deep seeded issues that have been building for 8 years and need to flesh them out. We just disagree if we have to be open or closed to do it.

Life feels hard, poly feels harder