My primary partner of many years has an “avoidant” personality, and that with my “anxious” personality makes the relationship VERY difficult at times. I have a relatively new secondary partner who I’d consider “secure”. We’re past the getting to know about each other and have moved to being more comfortable and bonding. She came over last night and I wanted to give her an awesome experience. I made a Mexican burrito bowl dinner with margaritas. I put on a tv show I knew she’d really like, which she did. We laughed like crazy together. We went to bed and I spent the whole night focused on her. Spent more time on her when she woke up. It was a amazing night, and I KNOW she had an awesome time and left happy…

However, right after she left, I got the really insecure and paranoid feeling she wasn’t happy. I felt like I was having a panic attack for 2 hours. I finally broke down and texted her to ask if she had a good night. She had lots of good things to say. We had already talked about our attachment styles before, so I apologized and explained that I was insecure at the moment but I knew it wasn’t real. I let her know I might get that way sometimes but I’ll try to keep it under check and she was very understanding about it.

My revelation was that I felt so strongly at that moment that I did something wrong, but I literally gave her a great night and nothing bad happened. She gave me no reason to think she wasn’t happy, but I had like a primal fear that I’d lose her.

Something I have to reflect on I guess. I’d never felt and understood so well what being “attached/avoidant” means