Update on this [ https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/oljeyw/the_first_time_she_ever_acknowledged_feeling/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share ]

So I had a talk with the partner who made the call that I answered hurting my now ex-partner and leading her to break up with me..

She'd been struggling to understand why I hurt so much at what I'd done, and why it had hurt my other partner for me to answer the call.

I told her the situation, how my actions had hurt my ex-partner and why being the cause of that pain along with Sleepover Shift the night before, my trauma from work and the loss of my relationship with my partner ex-partner was affecting me so much..

She began to understand my pain better which was good but still can't understand how it was such a hurtful thing to my mind ex that she broke up with me, citing my efforts to make amends, acknowledgement of the harm, and the effort I had put into this relationship. She is quite protective of my feelings, and understands the work I put into relationships though and this likely colours her opinion in this respect.

But something she said has stood with me, that if I hadn't answered her call that she would have felt hurt and unimportant to me.

Exactly the way my ex-partner told me she felt after I reached out about the situation.

She knew I was with another partner at the time and had just been on a date herself but had an expectation of my attention that I don't know I can meet without sacrificing my capacity for good relationships with others

I am fine with my own responsibility in the harm caused, I felt that it could have been avoided if I'd been in a better headspace but now I'm not so sure. No matter what I'd done I would have hurt someone I care deeply about.

I'm definitely going to need to talk to my partner about this but am going to wait until after therapy and a conversation with friend who I dated for 2 years whilst in this relationship

Open to all kinds of perspectives and advice but please only comment if you can do so with compassion. I've had a lot happening lately and been experiencing a great deal of pain so don't have capacity for judgement right now.