Hi everyone. So my partner and I have been together for a year and a few months. We’ve always been non-monogamous on some level, but over this year he’s grown a lot and his needs have changed, and expanded the number of people he’s interacting with and the level of intimacy they have.

I’ve always had some jealousy problems, but I’ve been trying to work through them. Unfortunately I’ve still unintentionally made a lot of toxic missteps. My boundaries/limits were more like rules and they made my partner feel very restrained and lacking autonomy which is not what I want.

We’re taking some kind of a step back soon, but I’m desperate for examples of healthy relationship agreements between people who are on different levels of open-ness/non-monogamy. What kind of things are in there for you and how many? I know it’s personal so definitely don’t share if you don’t feel comfortable, but the more examples I can get the better. I just need some good non-monogamous role models and examples to help me learn what’s okay and what’s not.

Lastly, it might be tempting to criticize me for all that I did wrong, but know I am aware of the fact that I’ve made mistakes, and am in therapy working on relationships specifically. I know rules and stuff are really frowned upon in the community. Please just be gentle with whatever you say, because I’m in an extremely vulnerable state right now after everything coming to a head.

UPDATE: I was struggling so hard because I was being rushed past trauma triggers and because my feelings were being constantly dismissed. I was coerced this far by way of gaslighting, cheating, an ultimatum, and rage. I am happily single now and exploring non-monogamy at the pace I’m comfortable with. 😊