Only a month ago I met one of the first girls really open to being my paramour. My wife and I both met her at the same time while out having drinks. I started dating her, seeing here most days the first week. We saw each other less the second and third, but she wanted to see me more. Life and work became very demanding and my time became (temporarily) limited. I told her I could spend a day or two a week but thing have gotten busy. We planned a few days ago to spend time together last night. Well, between conflicting schedules, I didn’t have a good chance to check in with my primary, and yesterday came and my wife and I still hadn’t checked in, and she was also having a really stressful day and I didn’t want to add anything to it. I call my para and tell her, ”Sorry I didn’t plan this better, I should’ve talked with my wife before confirming, I can’t spring this on her now, and her and I both are REALLY stressed and exhausted from the past week. I can see you another day soon this week.” She is understandably disappointed, and I feel bad, but I’m apologizing and offering to see her soon. I also promise to finally make a set schedule so we have AT LEAST one day a week, if not two together. She doesn’t care and gets of the phone angry.

I later tell my wife about the situation. She is super supportive of the situation and tells me the best days to have set days together and everything.

My para calls hours later upset while I’m getting settled in bed, and says she wants to come over and just fall asleep with me. My wife and I just want to go to sleep, and I offer again to hang out later in the week. She just kind of argues with me for a bit, then hangs up and texts some angry texts. I say good night and that I still want to see her later in the week....

Then it happens... she texts me that she’s at the gate to our community, then texts that she’s in the gate, uninvited. She then says she’s in the parking lot and just want to come in to “use the bathroom”.

My wife and I both lose it. We both felt like it was a major crossed boundary. I put my phone away while my wife starts texting her, telling her to leave and how inappropriate the whole thing is.

It was a major learning experience in that on one side, I definitely need to manage time better, but also need to manage expectations better as well. Maybe I miscommunicated? I don’t know, but it definitely feels like what could have been a great thing soured quickly and needlessly.

I wish she would have just gotten upset for a bit, told me she is disappointed but still wants to see me at some point, and we would have seen each other again and had at least a weekly rendezvous set up.

Oh well I guess?