I'm (27m) currently in a long-term polyamorous relationship with Jane (24f). Our relationship is amazing in most ways: we care deeply about one another, have a lot in common, communicate honestly, still enjoy spending lots of time together, and are very affectionate in non-sexual ways (e.g. cuddling). But there's also a large sexual desire discrepancy. I have a high libido and sex is very important to me; I'd have sex every day if I could (and sometimes even more often). Jane has a lower libido and also has certain kinks I can't fulfill, so in practice we only have sex about once a month.

I don't want to give up all the good things Jane and I have together just because of sex, but I also have sexual needs that aren't being met. Since we're polyamorous, the obvious solution is to get my sexual needs met outside the relationship, but I'm wondering if it actually works in practice. Ideally I'd love to have one or two high libido secondary partners or friends-with-benefits who I could see a couple times a week. These relationships wouldn't be exclusively about sex, I am poly after all, but sex would be a major part of them.

As an introverted straight man, though, I haven't had much luck with poly dating in the past, and I worry that my ideal is just a fantasy. If anything, it seems like poly women are often turned off by men who prioritize sex highly in dating, especially if (like me) they're not super charismatic and highly social. I worry I'd be stuck in a mostly sexless life while hoping for some other outlets that will never materialize.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Did getting your sexual needs met outside the primary relationship work out in the end?