Update: starting to be friends with her helped alot

The cast relevant to my story is me (26) my partner Lake (31) and their nesting partner Wifey (29).

I have been with Lake for 3 years now. Lake and Wifey have been together for about 10. Recently they have been deconstructing what remains of the heirachy in their relationship which has meant there have been changes.

Me and Wifey are not particularly close but have always gotten on fine. However, more and more over the past few months I have felt uncomfortable around her. This is for a few reasons;

• She has repeatedly made attempts to cut out Lake from discussions and instead attempted to negotiate with me directly. When this has happened I have said "This is something that affects Lake and therefore they need to be a part of any conversation on this topic" or " That is a conversation between you and Lake" etc. I have learned that this has sometimes come after Lake telling her "No" about something or another. I find this to be manipulative and a bid for control over the situation.
• She has talked casually around attempting to control or influence Lake's behavior. This makes me uncomfortable and I perceive this her feeling entitled to that type of control over Lake.
• Lately everything has been a BigDeal™ for her and I do not feel like my time with Lake has been respected by her. I feel like I am owed an apology for the various ways she has treated me as "secondary" but most of those are things I hear from Lake. For example she will ask that something happen a given way, Lake will suggest this to me. I will call out the ways that such a thing is unfair/dismissive of our relationship/comes from a place of heirachy/whatever. I am typically not comfortable with the suggestions that come from her and do not agree to them. Lake often understands my POV and returns to Wifey with whatever opion they hold for themselves in the situation and a solution is sometimes found or the thing dosen't happen.
• I am also upset by the way she has treated Lake durring her arguments with them over the past few months. I have seen the hurt she has caused but not the resolution they have found in couples counseling.

In some ways I feel a disappointment as my expectations of metamors are higher than the behaviors she is displaying.

I have discussed these concerns with Lake and they have agreed to be more aware of things and not let the issues between Lake and Wifey affect the commitments they make to me going forward. I know they are working on being a better hinge here. Lake is aware of how I feel.

I want to resolve things with Wifey and have a positive relationship with her. I am not sure how to go about this since Lake is still resolving and figuring things out with her themselves. Do I wait to they are in a better place? What would "better place" even mean? Would that not just make these feelings of resentment grow? Do I approach her about these feelings? If so, how? I am not entirely sure how to address this given so much of it is non-direct. When it has been direct I have called it out in the moment but that is not the case for a large chunk of it.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? When and How should I go about seeking a resolution?