Last September, I met a guy who was really nice and we got along wonderfully, had a lot in common, etc. We started seeing each other and sleeping together within a couple weeks of talking. I had just gotten out of a monogamous lesbian relationship of 6 years and I told him about how I didn’t want to feel controlled in a relationship as I’d just left a situation like that. I wanted to be free to be myself and love whomever I love. He told me that he “didn’t mind” that I’m poly, but he didn’t want me to date other men because he didn’t “want the competition.” I posted here about it and you all confirmed what I already knew — he was handing me red flag after red flag. So I broke up with him.

Fast forward some weeks, and I met another guy, but this one was absolutely spectacular. He told me he supported me being poly and loved that I know who I am, and he would never try to take that away from me. I told him this meant I may date other guys, and he said something along the lines of, “I know. Isn’t that what polyamorous means? You date multiple people?” I confirmed and he told me that polyamory wasn’t his thing, but he respected me and will support me.

From November - February, I had a girlfriend (I actually met them separately on the same day lol). He did not have a relationship with her outside of a friendship, but they were supportive of each other. She came with me to his band’s shows, he would go with me to her house for movie night, she would come spend time with me while he was at work, but also come spend time with both of us when he was home. It was perfect. She and I didn’t work out in the long run, but it was great to see that he meant what he said and he was not only comfortable but supportive in me dating other people.

Fast forward some months, and I’m now 6 months pregnant (his child) and he and I are stronger than ever — and I truly mean that. We haven’t even been together for an entire year yet, but he is my best friend, our sex life is incredibly in sync between the two of us, we’re passionate about the same things, our communication is unreal and exactly what I’ve dreamed of having my entire life. He’s absolutely perfect. We even know most of the same people and all of our friends have claimed they’re embarrassed they didn’t think to pair us up sooner. Lol.

So now my weird situation — Now that he and I have been together for a while, I’m realizing that I’m not into men anymore. I mean, I’m SUPER into him. I think he’s incredibly hot, a great dad, a loyal friend, a strong partner, a hard worker, everything I could ever want in a person. But he’s the only man I’m attracted to now. He’s told me he doesn’t mind if I date other men, but anytime other guys flirt with me, I’m totally turned off... yet I’m still very attracted to women.

So I’ve been trying to meet other poly(friendly) women, specifically on r/polyamoryr4r, and I’ve had multiple men message to tell me that I’m sexist for having a boyfriend but only wanting to date other women beyond that. Is it that abnormal? I know poly looks different for everyone, but I never thought of myself as sexist. I thought of myself as a polyamorous lesbian who’s in love with a male NP and therefore identifies as bisexual.

What is the best way for me to identify myself when on a dating site or the like? I feel pretty hurt by what people have said, but I hate having to label myself and I especially don’t want to upset others in doing so. Please help ❤️