My husband and I are sort of on the first steps for trying polyamory. And I think that it's worth going over some background here. Due to a religious upbringing, I've massively repressed my same-sex attraction as a very bi lady. And so being attracted and dating women is a side of myself that I've never gotten to know and that I yearn to find.

My husband is receptive to opening the relationship for me to explore this side of myself with the caveat that I only date other women. He knows that this is something that I just can't experience with him, he just can't be a woman. And so he's open to working up to me exploring this particular side of myself. However, he isn't okay with me dating other men, as the experience of dating men is one I've been able to have and continue to have with him. He sees this as generous for me, as I am the person in the relationship that has suggested and pursued polyamory. And I feel a huge need to have polyamory in my life, while he does not.

However, it's also worth noting that he expects to be able to date other women. And while I want to respect his limits and his feelings, this feels highly hypocritical. And it seems a lot like it's this OPP arrangement or nothing (he's not even sure if he can be poly, it's something that we're exploring still before actually doing the work of setting up boundaries). We're still trying to navigate things, but the fact that I'm not immediately willing to agree to this and that I bring up the way this de-legitimizes same-sex relationships really seems to make him feel hurt. I don't know what I'm looking for, I guess just some thoughts from some like-minded people.