I really don't know how to start this, or what to even do I've been with my girlfriend for two and a half almost 3 years now "A" is what we'll call her.... I myself have been curious about polyamorus relationships my entire life mostly because I am pansexual and I have alot of love to give, but growing up in the hill country of Texas I was very misunderstood led to alot of issues in my love life growing up After an abusive relationship at the end of 2017, I was alone and depressed. I met "A" through a friend at work at the time and she already had two kids one 5 years old and a year old. Fast forward a couple months I go from being alone to a full time step daddy of two kids. it was a hell of a change for me "A" latched on to me pretty hard, I left for a weekend at one point because everything was to much for me to bear but I came back partially out of choice but also my grandma didn't want me back in her house 🤷 so I packed my shit and moved in with her and early on in the relationship we got pregnant

Fear, my fears from my previous relationships and my past led me to do things I shouldn't of and I still beat myself up for now me being polyamorus by nature and being afraid to communicate led me to make mistakes our first year I cheated on her , not in the sense of actually physically being with someone but I flirted heavily with some people on social media out of impulse and I felt horrible about it, even if she didn't see it and absolutely ream me for it, but she knew I guess that nothing I did was threatening enough to our relationship I guess? Or maybe me being a great father to my step kids helped my case? Cause we're still together. fast forward to December 2018 my daughter was born I had never focused on or loved someone more than this little person♥️

Fast forward a year to 2019 after a year straight of intense childcare in late December, "A" and I had talked about polyamory at this point since I kinda discovered that it's a thing 😅 (I lived under a rock in Texas) so we talked and she came up with rules that I wasn't allowed to persue anyone but she was allowed to since I was pretty naive to this I agreed... Not realizing how one-sided and unfair it would feel later Come 2020 in March a regular of hers that comes to her work we'll call "D" was hitting it off with her and I knew cause she talked about him and told me everything, "D" came over twice and we all hit it off very well he was bisexual and showed interest in both of us, we smoked watched movies but then he poof, gone, he had some shit going on in his personal life but he never came and saw us again.

Now this is were shit gets stupid "A" is talking about a regular of hers that we'll call "M", came in all drunk and sad that him and his gf of 5 years split and that's the last I heard of him, until she just magically doesn't come home for a week straight and says she's with "M" and halfway through the week I can't sleep I stop eating and I kept telling myself that "this is normal for polyamorus stuff right? I shouldn't be jealous and tell her to come home now cause that wouldn't be fair" oh how I was so wrong..

After the week of her being gone "M" finally comes over to meet me and the family, it was fast he was here living in our house and sleeping our bed with us in less than 2 weeks of them meeting and "A" kept saying "he's just like you" so I swallowed my opinions and qualms and agreed cause she said "I'm an all or nothing person you know that" It took less for a month for everyone to decide to get pregnant with him, i felt kinda pushed into agreeing, I felt jealousy in my heart like a cancer because of his tongue in cheek comments about "competition this or who does this better that" and the fact she was all over him kissing and hugging him alot more than me and I ended up having a conversation to her about this about me feeling neglected, her response was "everyone has their own love language with different people"
Then one day in late may "M" decides to flip a lid a few days after he went to the first OBGYN and his grandfather passed away, alot to process I know but he tells "A": "I can't be in a relationship with more than one person, I can't share, it's him or me" "A" tells him no so he basically ignores her goes off galavanting with his friends not helping us in anyway even when "A" asked him.. then the next OBGYN appointment, an ultrasound reveals two heart beats, HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!! and I'm 100% sure it "M"'s because I did't have sex with "A" when they were trying before the positive pregnancy test, BUT the timelines don't add up still she's further along than that so i ask questions about if "A" had sex with him before he came here, come to find out those days she was gone and I knew nothing? Thats probably when she got pregnant, I let her know I was upset that she didn't ask or talk to me first and it turned into her crying a freaking out saying "I'm a monster!" so much so I just let it go🤷

Now current events, "M" hasn't been here since May, "A" has been getting really bad morning sickness daily and is having reoccurring dreams of her dying In childbirth.. "A"'s Gramma is having a hard time doing anything on her own so I've back and forth staying over at grammas and here at home... "A" has been trying really hard everyday to get some attention from "M" through messenger to no avail, she has been constantly crying and saying "no one gives a shit about me I'm going to be alone" "I don't care about anyone I just want to be alone" and I felt very swept to the sidelines.. also just tonight while she was at work he left a note on her car summed up said: "We're both toxic and it won't work out we're not compatible, I'm DNA testing the twins and I want all of my stuff" "A" left as soon as she got home with his stuff and was gone talking to him for 3.5 hours. Didnt text or call until she was almost home, and when I mentioned I was stressed she would comment "you can just leave" I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm in the way and she wants "M" more than me or is this payback for me being a dick the first year? this is my first post on this reddit so idk help?