Honestly, I kind of always suspected this was the case, but as I move on from my 19-year marriage, I'm feeling more open in my feelings for my girlfriend.

I think I've always had a slight wall up that prevented me from allowing myself to fully fall for my girlfriends. I definitely love my current GF, and we've been dating for almost four years, but I've always held back just a tad (and maybe even more than a tad, I'm starting to realize).

My wife and I are calling it quits after 19 years. It's been a wild ride, and while we've had some truly awesome years together, the past four have ranged from OK to hellish. I wont get into why, but it's not exactly poly-related -- though I will say while poly was a factor in some of our best years, it was also a factor in the problems of the past four as well; but poly in itself was not the problem

We still live together as we amicably disentangle our former lives together. It took me about three days to fully accept it once she made it clear she was no longer interested in trying to make it work. And shortly thereafter I noticed a change in my openness toward my girlfriend.

Really, the shocking thing is just how much more open and vulnerable I feel. I don't think I'm just transferring my affection to her, and I know that we're never going to be primaries due to her family situation. I think I'm just feeling freer -- less constrained.

What I'm looking forward to most now that my marriage is ending, is no longer being closeted. My wife was never comfortable with our being open, and I think that it may have added to my holding back a little. I was near my office yesterday and kissed my girlfriend half a block from where I work -- something I would have been reluctant to do in the past since my wife as been to work events and has met everyone.

I'm really looking forward to not hiding my lifestyle. I'm looking forward to connecting deeper with my GF and others I will undoubtedly date in the future. I'm looking forward to being with people who are 100% onboard with poly rather than uncomfortable with letting the world find out who they are. Even though I've been poly for eight years, I feel like I have the chance to really be poly for the first time ever. It feels wonderful.