So... A brief summary, I met these guys, one was into me, the other not so much. We fell in love and wanted a throuple.

In the end I had a serious and honest conversation with both of them. Frank isn't into me and we decided that Mark and I will be a couple and we'd be in a polyamorous relationship.

I am completely new to this and hella scared. I have spend a couple of weeks with them at their place, we went on a road trip together for about a week and things have been going up and down. Mark is showing his true colors and he's not as loving and caring as he sold himself as, which is fine, I still like his personality.

I should say that I suffer of generalized anxiety and take meds for it.

I get jealous. I feel like Mark is giving way more attention to Frank than to me, and it makes me so insecure. He says that it's all in my head but I know what I'm seeing, he reaches out for Frank twice as much as he reaches out for me... it feels like I am the one pursuing. And if that was the case I would be long gone from this mess, but he assures me and reassures me that he really likes me and that he wants to have me as his boyfriend.

Like yesterday. I asked him to go to bed with me for a bit to cuddle and he said sure, let's do that for five minutes. And he even let me extend the time when I asked for it. But that's the thing I had to ask for it... While we were in bed the conversation lead him to say, yeah I will spend a bit of alone time with Frank later too. And I support that, I totally do. But it hurts that it was his idea, that he was the one to ask and that they spend so long in bed while I was in therapy and then they came out and I didn't receive the attention I was expecting.

Later during dinner, he would reach out for both of us, but then he moved to the window to smoke and then stayed in the chair next to the sofa, next to Frank. ... I got upset because in my head it wasn't fair! You had just spent time with him alone, come and give me attention. But I also understood that his arm was hurting (he has a muscular thing from exercising) and that's why I didn't say anything and kind of decided to enjoy the extra space in the couch. I flipped when Frank asked him to give him a massage in the arm because Mark had previously asked me to give him that massage. And I'm sorry, maybe I need to be more flexible but when I say I will do something, in my head I am expecting to do it. And I expect the other people to comply with what they say as well.

So there he noticed that I was upset but in the end (since I was obviously just trying to get attention) I laughed and he thought that I was joking. But I wasn't.

When we went to bed, he went first, me second and all I got was a hair scrub. that's it. as if I was a dog. and frank jumped in bed and he got all these hugs and kisses and then Mark came to me and hugged me briefly and another hair scrub and pushed away.

He also spent the night reaching out for Frank and I also wanted him to reach out for me. I don't want to be the one begging for love! I am only here because he keeps telling me that he does love me and that he wants to be with me, but I am not afraid of losing him, if it's not meant to be then there are other people. But if we do love each other, and if it's true and genuine, then I don't want to miss out.

Does that make sense? Am I crazy? Shouldn't he be all over me because I'm the new relationship?

I know that Frank knows what's going on, and that he doesn't care about how I feel and that he's extremely happy because he's getting all this attention that he didn't get before I arrived. Which by the way, you're welcome.

What do you think people?