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Being Out
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I (31F) am just finishing up my first semester of grad school. I was a high school teacher for about a decade and now I'm back going to school full time to get my PhD. I have a husband (34M) and a wife (31F). I am only legally married to my husband. He and I have been together for over 9 years, married for 6. My wife and I have known each other for 8 years, together for about 4. We are not closed, so I have other, more casual relationships.

While I was teaching, I was always in the closet about being poly and only referred to my wife as my "best friend". Since I started grad school I have wanted to be more open and honest about who I am, so I didn't want to hide my relationships. Whenever I talk about my partners, I have just referred to them as my husband or wife. One woman in my group asked me about it and I explained I was poly and she seemed cool with it. The issue I am having is I just joined a research group and got my official advisor who I will be working with for the next 4 or 5 years. I worry that coming out as poly may change how these people view me and make it more difficult for me to get opportunities in the future. A lot of the people in the group are international students, and it may be more offensive culturally.

Any advice from people who are out at work, specifically in academia, on if it is a good idea, or if I should keep my poly life to myself?

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Posted
4 years ago