A few years ago my husband and I were not in a great place. Not divorce bad, but rapidly approaching dead bedroom status because I was not satisfied. We’d been married over a decade and I had tried many times to talk to him about it, but he didn’t hear me really until he saw a reddit post about my dissatisfaction. He then suggested swinging to me, which blew my mind because I had always thought he was super traditional. Doing that forced us though to really start communicating, a skill neither of us was particularly good at. Over the course of the past couple of years, we have talked more than ever. Both in the bedroom and out our communication has gotten stronger because we both knew going in that the key thing to not fucking ourselves up was that we HAD to talk. We HAD to be completely honest and open. As a result I have actually listened heard what he had to say about the toxic deadweight that is my mother (she was living with us), and resolved that situation. I was so in the fog it was ridiculous. My mental health is stronger now as a result and my home life is quite peaceful and quiet. We have come to the realization that we aren’t necessarily swingers, but poly. He has his relationships, and I have mine, and we know that no matter what, we can tell the other person exactly what is on our minds with no recrimination, or shaming. I no longer feel defensive talking to him, and I’m more receptive to what he has to say. So much of this is a result of our communication and learning and growing together. I’m grateful, and I know that no matter what, he’s got my back.