I’ve seen a couple of posts stating that sometimes poly isn’t great. Maybe you’re going through a rough patch, or maybe your can’t get a date. Other posts I’ve seen here and other places include people talking about how they can’t do poly any more because someone lied or cheated.

The reality is that poly is always awesome, but not all people and relationships are. Sometimes we can have a string of relationships that just cause pain. Sometimes we can end up with three consecutive people who just use and abuse us. That’s not poly. The same things can happen in monogamy. Those circumstances arise because of the people involved, or the relationship between certain people. Not everything is going to be perfect. Hell, you may not ever find your subjective “perfect.”

For those of you out there feeling like you’re really upset because you can’t get a date on any of the three dating apps you’re on, or maybe you’re struggling because that someone you’re with just doesn’t seem to be on the same level...this advice probably won’t strike much of a chord...but please be good to yourself. You don’t need another person to complete you. Sure, people are great. But the reason I think we have so much struggle and pain is that too many people try to fit a square peg into a round hole, especially in the poly community. Many of these relationships don’t develop organically, and some people are either constantly hopping from one thing to the next...or they are clinging to the people who aren’t really in it.

It’s fine to do whatever you want to do. I just wish more people would be good to themselves and not settle for things that ultimately don’t make them happy. Recognize when you’re not getting what you want, and go manifest a better situation. Go do the things you love to do. Meet lots of people and explore connections until you find someone who is a good fit.