I'll probably get a lot of flak for this post but I'm ready to take some criticism.

​

My wife and I have been together for 9 years, open/poly for about 3-4 of the last years. We've had hookups and a few short/long term relationships (which is what we're mostly looking for), but haven't seen anyone in a few months. Things were great between us.

​

We recently matched with a woman who said she wanted to see both of us. I had organized a date two weeks ago with just me, as an initial meetup. My wife was busy, and had organized a date with her the following week. We discussed it, and I didn't intend to hookup with this woman on the first date. No excuses, but I did have too much to drink, and we hit it off so well. Like I've never had a first date like that before. And we ended up hooking up.

​

I told my wife and she was devastated. We have been talking about things and it's clear that I've definitely crossed boundaries and hurt her. She said if I had just messaged her asking, she would have said yes. We talked a lot, and even though: a) they had planned a date together, b) my wife was onboard with my date, c) if I had asked she would have said yes to sex, she is upset I never gave her the option of saying no. I take full responsibility for this.

​

It's put a lot of contention between us. The last two weeks I've been really struggling because I connected with this person (I know, it was just one date) and wanted to continue exploring what everyone had to offer. But my wife has totally shut everything down, and said she isn't interested, and she doesn't want me contacting her. My wife has said she wants to continue to see other people, and enjoys the poly lifestyle but this one person is off limits. She also wants us to see someone else she has in mind, but tbh, I'm completely turned off of everyone except the woman I met up with at this moment.

​

I don't really know what my question is. If anyone has any advice on how to move forward, repair things, open up possibilities or just constructive criticism, I would be grateful. We're not experts in the poly community, and we're always learning on how to do things better.