So, /r/Poly, I've got a question for you. OK, so it's not so much a question as it is a .. topic for conversation.

I want to talk about flirting.

Let's assume you and your SO have decided to open your relationship to others. The sex is almost always the forefront of the conversation, usually discussing things regarding how to deal with insecurities and jealousy. But there's one topic that is almost always left out, and I've noticed it big time in online discussion.

That topic is flirting.

I don't mean the type of flirting that is, "oh hey, you dropped this, let me pick it up for you and brush your hand while I hand it over" -- I mean the kind where you actively compliment a new partner in order to build a trusting relationship.

Can you go to meet a new partner and say things like, "Wow, your eyes are the most beautiful I've ever seen?" Obviously, your new date responds well to compliments, so you follow it up with "I think you are amazing, can you tell me more about your childhood?"

Those types of conversations are almost universally ignored in lieu of sex, because sex is seen as the bigger, more dominant, jealousy issue. But come on, you can't go speaking with another girl, run your fingers through her hair and tell her she smells wonderful without knowing what your SO might think of your behavior?

What do people think about this...? Is it expected? Is sex truly the only deciding factor in poly? Does any of the above really matter?