I F (38) am in an open/poly/non mono marriage with my husband M (39). We are still working on if we want a “label”. We have been together for 20 years, and open for around a year. We are solid on our foundations in this dynamic. Lots of communication and our own relationship has grown and gotten better over this year. However, after getting dumped once again this week by a potential partner, I have started to question myself. This is the second time I’ve been a “test run” for someone, and then when it crashes and burns, I start all over with OLD and feeling like I’m never going to find a partner. Both times the wife of the couple pulled the plug once their partner found someone (me). This one is especially hurtful because after a year of mostly just hookups and feeling like a disposable sex toy, I thought I had found a real friend and a partner. I was made aware they as a couple were new to being open, but the man I was seeing had been open before with other partners. So even after being dumped the first time by a potential partner new to this lifestyle, I thought I would give it a shot again. Should I be screening potentials for being new and possibly pass by someone that could be awesome? Or do I keep going and risk my own emotional well being. And just learn to deal with getting hurt repeatedly when once again the test run doesn’t work. I think this is most frustrating because every other aspect of this change has been easy for me.

Edit: the kicker is that he tells me she is okay with being open if she can find a girlfriend for both of them. I’m straight and was very upfront about that from the beginning, and the wife had a boyfriend when I met the husband. So basically if I’m not a unicorn then I’m just disposable.