Far too often I have seen people claim that various relationship structures and preferences don't really "count" as polyamory.

Some people say you aren't poly if you're hierarchical. Some people say you aren't poly unless you are open to having multiple co-primaries all move in with you and build a poly family. Some people say you aren't poly if you don't subscribe to relationships anarchy. Some people say you're not really poly unless you reject the relationship escalator.

People with OPPs are "monogamy-lite". People who are highly interested in and motivated by sex are "basically swingers". People who practice poly-fidelity are sometimes talked about as if they are just practicing a variant of monogamy.

Look, I get it, there is a lot of variation in the forms of polyamory and non-monogamy out there, and it makes sense to distinguish between them. And yes, there are certain practices that are more likely to be toxic, or that you personally might not want to date someone who engages in those practices. It's fine to discuss preferences and debate what we think are more or less ethical or healthy practices and styles of poly.

But it is petty and counterproductive to try to gatekeep about who is "really" poly based on these differences. Anybody who practices and/or wants to have informed, consensual, loving non-monogamous relationships is polyamorous. We're a relatively small group of people practicing an alternative lifestyle that is still not understood or accepted by wider society. The least we could do is have just a little solidarity with and acceptance of one another.