I made a post related to this on this sub the other day, but it was much more vent-y and less productive so I deleted it, here's attempt #2.

Brief background on me: I'm 25, a straight man, and I've been in a primary polyamorous relationship for 3 years. Neither my partner nor I have any local partners right now, and my partner is not actively dating due having other priorities right now. Our relationship is going very well overall, and neither of us have a history of being jealous.

I love the idea of non-monogamy, and I like that I am in a non-monogamous relationship. However, non-monogamy in practice has not been very fruitful for me so far. I've been seriously trying to find other partners for sex and dating, with the hopes of developing fwb or secondary romantic relationships, for about a year now, but I have had very little luck.

Despite being on OkCupid and messaging as many attractive (to me) non-monogamous women as possible, and doing a lot of research on how to make my profile better, I have only had two first dates. One led to being stood-up for a planned second date, which sucked, and the other went well and led to a hook-up after the second date, but then fizzled due to unforeseen outside circumstances. But that's it, and it has been over 6 months since I've had a first date or even a response on OkCupid. Lately I've been trying to make friends in the local poly community, but that takes a lot of time and most of the people there are not in my age range so I think it's unlikely it will bear fruit in the near term (edit: as far as dating goes, I am also seeking friendships and that is working out better).

This experience has led me to become increasingly anxious about and fixed on dating and sex in an unproductive way. Part of what's going on, I think, is that I'm on the shy-side and didn't have much sexual or dating experience before I met my primary while at the same time I have a high libido and am a very sex- and affection-motivated person. It's been a blow to the ego and incredibly frustrating.

Anyway, I am wondering if anybody has advice for how to cope with this anxiety around dating and sex. I find myself thinking a lot about how much I want to date but haven't been able to, feeling bitter about how it (at least feels) harder for straight men to find dates, and in general frequently feeling anxious and frustrated about dating. How can I still accept and embrace my libido and desire to explore sex and dating without becoming fixated and bitter about the topic? How can I have a healthier outlook about this?

(Note: I'm not looking for dating advice here, I know what I need to do to up my odds on that front)

TL;DR: I've found my lack of success in finding dating and sexual partners has made me anxious, fixated on dating and sex in an unproductive way, and bitter. How can I still acknowledge and embrace my desires while coping in a more healthy way with my current situation?