On mobile, apologies for formatting issues.

Some background: my partner Bo has been openly polyamorous for a few years, while I just figured it out with his help about a year and a half ago. I’ve identified as bisexual most of my life, but had very few positive interactions with women. My first “real” girlfriend was Bo’s 7-year-strong partner when I met them in April 2017. She (Nelva) only stuck around for a few months before dumping us both out of the blue and moving out. The breakup was horrible for me, since she left while I was at work and didn’t even tell me I had been dumped. Said she didn’t have the heart to. I felt like I was collateral damage, an afterthought. It hurt like hell.

Fast forward to almost a week ago, my partner and I had our first foursome with a long-time friend of mine (32M) that’s a swinger and one of his friends (23F) that’s non-monogamous. It was our first time meeting up with them, and it was wonderful!! I was a blissed-out mess for hours, and although my friend had to leave, his friend (who I’ll call Peg for privacy’s sake) got to spend the night cuddling with us until she left for work in the morning. She kissed us each goodbye, it was lovely!

Since then, Bo has been texting Peg a LOT, and I’ve been doing so when I have the chance. She’s such a genuinely sweet person, very down-to-earth and wise. Peg has only dated one woman before, and also got burned.

We’ve all been falling for each other very hard, communicating clearly and openly, and I’ve been ping-ponging back and forth between excited and smitten to jealous and nervous. I’m afraid of messing things up, and Bo has more time and communication skills than I do, at least via text, so I wish I could do the same. She asked him what he was doing this Friday a few days ago, and he asked me if it was all right for him to drive (~2 hours) to see her. Since I work full-time, I’m doing a 12-hour day today (Friday) and 2x 9-hour days on my work weekend, so I happily egged him on, offering that he ask for an overnight so he wouldn’t have to drive back late when it’s dark and snowy.

Today, he left before I did, and I won’t see him until Saturday night when I get off work. We’re pretty inseparable most of the time outside of my work schedule, and since I’m so new to poly, I’m grappling with a lot of different conflicting emotions.

We both LOVE Peg already, and she’s been very clear that she feels the same way about each of us. I expressed that I don’t want her to think of us as a “packaged deal” or anything, like our ex Nelva did with Bo and myself. We’re working on trusting and being more open with each other considering how poor our interactions with women have been, but it feels like the attraction is mutual. We all know it’s moving really fast. The only time that has worked out in my favor was when I met Bo.

I’m scared, I’m thrilled, I’m smitten, I’m jealous, I’m horny, I’m depressed, I have NO IDEA what is going on in my head right now. I’m hoping I can blame the negative feelings partially on two bad triggers I ran into Monday on fetlife, but I’m afraid that I’m too insecure to get through these two days unscathed. Bo did his best to prep me and make sure I felt loved and cared for before he left, even packed me a lunch...but I still feel like I need to talk to someone who understands these situations.

Any advice/feedback/cheering-on?

TDLR: Bad past relationships with women as a bi woman myself, poly partner is on his first overnight with another woman since I started dating him. Many good feels and many bad feels!