I have been married for 2 years and on a poly relationship for 4 years now.

One of the issues that have come up is lack of sex and her much lower libido than mine.

We average sex mostly 2 times a month or less and for me the ideal it would be two to three times per week. In addition, my wife's preferred method of polyamory is "Don't ask don't tell" which I don't agree with but we came up with a modified way to work around it...essentially I will not tell her if she doesn't ask me about my adventures or partners but I have asked for clear and open communication about all of her activities and to be told about her suitors (especially sexual) either before they happen or afterwards....This feels more like an open relationship than I would have liked to but I am trying to do my best to stay with her...

Last week, she told me she was going to go out with a friend. I asked her if this was a date and she said no...someone was coming into town and they would just hang and get together.

Today, I opened up my computer and saw an e-mail thread between said friends. I found the following:

• They ended up having sex.
• Said sex was planned

I feel jealous for multiple reasons and trying to think the best way to handle this:

*My sexual needs are not met but she is going around having sex with other people. *I think it was dishonest of her not to tell me what was going so I feel hurt

I want to practice good poly and good communication skills but not sure how to handle this. On the one hand, I want her to go out and have relationships, have sex with other people. I am having sex with someone else and feel like a hypocrite calling her out (and imagine that's what she will say).

However, if my needs within OUR relationship are not met and she is lying about things....then this also doesn't work for me....

I want to be fair in my conversation with her so I scheduled something next Monday in order to have time to think about this. I am also not sure and feel guilty about the way I found out about this.

Essentially, I was on my computer, and her e-mail was open, I did feel something was off and I did consciously look for an e-mail on the day when the meeting took place....that's how I found out this information.

Things that I am considering include separating as I don't feel she values our relationship or is much attracted to me......on the other hand we have a baby (only four months old) and this complicates matters.

If it helps...I was considering separation BEFORE I found out about this and called a divorce lawyer the week before this happened.....the main reason was lack of sex/emotional availability.