I met my ex when I was 18. I broke up with him because he is a good, loyal, faithful monogamous man that deserves someone who wants to love him the same way. It was always a compromise for me to sacrifice being poly because I loved him so much and just wanted to be with him. Because of other stress or strain factors, I became acutely aware of my poly inclination, and I didn't want to hurt him further down the line because I was bitter from not having the opportunity to really try to find my ideal poly relationship. We were undeniably happy, we never fought, he made me laugh so hard every day, and he was my best friend.

Now, I am extremely despondent. I miss him. He wants nothing to do with me anymore. I feel stale and stagnant. I am terrified that I made a mistake and have lost my true partner because I am terrified that my ideal poly partner does not exist. I am here seeking long term examples of poly relationships that are healthy and positive. Please share ❤️

My ideal primary poly partner would be the best roommate and best friend that I happen to also be in love with and that communicates well with me - someone who would be willing to share other partners and experiences with me and make me feel comfortable to do the same without jealousy. I live in a fairly conservative area, and this concept is very foreign. Please remind me it exists.

EDIT (5/1/2020) I ended up in a bad place after this post. I met someone incredibly unsupportive, manipulative, selfish, and emotionally abusive. I came back to read some of these comments, and they mean so much to me still. Thank you.