Hi folks. So, I'm reaching out here because I just need a little bit of support at this time. Something incredible is happening in my relationship, and I really need people to reflect with upon it.. <3 people who understand.

Quick rundown:

• 2.5 years ago I entered a relationship with a monogamous bi-sexual swinger woman, as an open-relationship seeking polyamorous straight man myself. We're both 25yo at this time.

• After extensive strife, I agreed to be fully monogamous with her. It was what she needed. This wrought havoc on my sex drive, and was a huge strain on us for our entire relationship, but it was what needed to be done to allow our love to survive.

• Recently the pressure began to grow beyond what I could handle.. as, (very unlike me), thoughts of infidelity began to creep in. It was horrible. I began praying earnestly to God for help, and to get my girlfriend to open up.

• She received a very prophetic dream, and we had a very deep and difficult conversation (we've had many) but she said the fact that I felt like our relationship restrictions left me "feeling neutered" really resonated with her, along with the fact that I called her out for never even really displaying an interest in swinging.. so...

• All of a sudden, last week, she initiated a 4-some with our girl roommate and one of her friends, another young man. I was only moderately "into it," for 1 because I am not at all bi-sexual, and vaguely repulsed by the sexual presence of other males while I am being sexual, for 2 because I'm only somewhat attracted to our roommate girl, but not extremely or anything, and for 3 because I have close to zero connection with the other guy. But I wanted to be game, because I have prayed for so long and hard that our relationship could open up to allow me to have fulfilling experiences outside my current relationship.

-We discussed the ramifications and she agreed that this would be a good thing for our relationship, and that we could even see other people as long as they were integrated and not "side things," which excluded us as primary partners fro any sort of interaction. We agreed not to sleep over at another's house, and to text each other an Elephant when we're having sex with someone at our house, as a basic courtesies and emotional precaution. - Today she texted me the elephant. So, my girlfriend the other guy are having sex for the first time, alone. It hit me way harder than I thought it would.. since I've literally desired for us to see other people for months, and months, and months.

Can I share why, with you guys?

Thanks..

For one, this guy has a 9-10-incher, uncircumcised. I'm average/above average at around 6-7 inches. I get super tiny when flaccid, and this dude is just fuckin' nuts. I walked in the bedroom and was just like "oh fuck.."

For two, I get in my head during sex, sometimes.. Like in the middle of sex I'll just start to lose interest or have trouble keeping my erection. If I feel pressure, or am tired or stressed, my boner usually just becomes a gone-er. Like, in our 4-some I was baarely aroused at all..

So I just wanted to reflect over this with all of you. If you wanna share any thoughts I am ALL ears. I'm excited for what this means for my relationship, because with her taking the lead with doing things with other people, that gives me a lot of freedom, yunno? I'm excited to finally have a chance to interact with some other people. Traditionally I've had to resort to dating sites, and that's still a no-go as far as I can tell, but that's okay. Guess I just gotta get better at inviting people over and "getting to know them," lol..