So, I literally just realized that I've been polyamorous since before I gave away my virginity.

Trying to keep this as short as possible.

I dated my first boyfriend for 8 months before I gave him my virginity gift just shy of age 18. During that time we had a friend named "D" that we spent alot of time with. She, he, and I would snuggle up together while watching movies, have sleepovers, and we would all play together as much as you can when you're still a virgin. Lol. We were all very close.

Anyways, later she found her own bf and my bf and I ended up breaking up. I met a new man and we got engaged. D had ended her relationship and became me and my fiance's playmate. He and her didn't really connect more than physically like my bf before and her had so, although i still adored her, we were less like a polypod and more like playmates. She ended up getting married and things eventually ended with my fiance and I.

I moved out of the area and met a man. While we were getting to know eachother we met a woman we'll call "J." He, J, and I spent alot of time together and she became our sudo-sisterwife. Lots of sleepovers, date nights, dinners, etc. He and J spent their own time alone together too. Loved it. Time passed and things fizzled. No hard feelings. We are all still friends.

I later met a man who fancied himself a Dom. I was interested in the BDSM lifestyle so he introduced me. I shared with him my poly past and it was decided I meet his gf/slave/primary (whatever we'd like to refer to her as) and see if we hit it off. We did! However, she had plans to move to the west coast before I had come into the picture, he was already several states away from me, and long-distance was just not what I wanted to do. Things ended. No hard feelings.

Now, I've met a man I've been dating for 6 months. He was curious about BDSM and weve shared a lovely experience learning more together. He absolutely fulfills something in me that has longed to be satisfied for a long time. Not just sexually but just with his actions and affections. I'm satisfied by him fully. I've spoken to him about my poly past and he is open to the lifestyle... doesn't necessarily need it but is open to it.

Here is the kicker, folks. (If you've read this long, thanks for sticking through : )
Out of all these mates and my openess to have a woman join the pod, I have never once experienced another man! Not one of my past partners have been willing to open the relationship up to a man, even as a 1x playmate. This is definitely something I want to experience. I've been expressing this need since I was 17 and haven't been gifted with the experience. I know that adding a 3rd (or more) person doesn't change my love or feelings towards my primary person. Almost 20 years later I still haven't been able to convince any partner that my feelings won't change whether it's a female or a male that is added to the pod. It's obvious that my previous polypods have been 1 sided (and I am ok with that, I loved every minute) but I am longing for that experience with my primary man and another man. I just can't seem to manifest it.