Hi everyone,

I am so grateful to this sub for helping me navigate my poly life. Things are in general going well. I hope you can help with something that came up in a couples therapy session from two weeks ago.

I emailed the therapist after the session about polyamory. She is a sacred sexual healing "tantra" practitioner and I share her belief in sexual healing and reaching sacred spaces through sexuality. She seems to be handing me some anti-poly bias about poly people not being able to go deep enough, fearing commitment, having trust and "attachment" (very trendy these days among therapists) issues, etc.

How can I respond? Any good pro-poly writing on tantra sacred sexuality and using sexuality for healing and reaching mystical states?

I do really like her and I want to connect more with her in some way, I just want to get clearer about the poly issues.

Here are some excepts of what she emailed me( sorry for formatting)

I do encourage deep internal reflection when entering into a living situation and relationship that is "polyamorous' - so often one party "agrees" and it isn't actually their Truth and so then much pain follows.  When there is great chemistry, love and passion between 2 people and they are trying to be polyamorous and / or living together, it can really bring up a lot.   Sometimes what people really want is simply the open clear communication and contemplation that can be had around "polyamory."  

I understand what you mean around Polyamory and perhaps desiring the closeness and touch, etc of others.  I agree and have always had very close and intimate relationships with others, in addition to my husband.  And, that has been different than sexual relationships.  I used to be more open with all of that, and yet after I really opened and experienced the true depth, power and sacredness of my sexuality and especially what can be held in a sacred container, I now actually feel very differently.  I see what is possible in true sacred relationship and commitment, in true Tantra.   I also see and understand that sometimes "polyamory" can be disguising very deep often unconscious attachment wounding.  And what may work for us for many years and decades, often fades as we grow into our older years and long for that deep life long connection and desire someone to care for and care for us.  

I suppose I say this because a part of me also wonders, if you have a fantastic thing...  would you be courageous enough to claim it?    What would keep you from that possibly?  

I hold both and other aspects of relationship dynamics and agreements very multidimensionally, and they can change.  I mostly feel communication and honesty are most important.  People can weave in and out of it all, I believe, poly, committed, mono-gamish, etc. :)    I just really like to explore deeply with people all aspects of it, so often there is an underlying fear of loss or true intimacy.  

Have you ever read "The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships"  ?  

I love to encourage people to explore many stories and aspects.  I assume you have read and gone into a lot around the more open lifestyle.  I will also include an article I absolutely love!   I am certainly not trying to "change" you, simply deepen in the conversation. :)