Hey team,

I have been with my current partner for 5 years and married the last two. Four years ago we "opened up" our relationship as from the minute we started dating, I told my now wife that I am poly. She was ok with it and initially tried seeing other people herself but soon came to the realization that it wasn't for her.

Nevertheless, even though she was been apprehensive we decided to try things out with a poly-mono style relationship. In the last four years, we have had incredibly happy moments and have built a home, with a beautiful dog and amazing support system. We also constantly travel go on adventures are generally really good friends.

I also should mention that my wife is currently pregnant in her second trimester.

Though we've been doing this for quite a while now things have been a bit rocky for some time on the poly side of things. Around two years ago decided to do find a poly-friendly therapist who has been helping us improve communication and expand boundaries. The main issue are the following: Lack of sex and affection on her part (which makes me feel that I am in a roomate situation) as well as wanting to have more of a poly style relationship. On her end she basically she wants more of an open-relationship/Don't ask don't tell kind of situation. She is also not much interested in sex or affection and figures that as long as I get the sex part outside of the relationship things should be fine.

This has never sit well with me and while I have tried it the last three years it has been tough on both me and my partners.

I have lost a lot at least two partners who wanted more serious relationships because of rules around sleep-overs (no sleep-overs or vacations or anything) and my wife not wanting to meet partners and generally excluding everything poly out our life together.

This is happening for a third time now where I have met someone wonderful, who satisfies many of my needs, both physical and emotional. However we can't seem to get out of a more casual style relationship where I see her only for a few hours. More than anything I love this person and don't want to do them any harm.

Initially I thought I could mantain this but honestly it hasn't been working for me. I understand that I originally signed up for this but I didnt know how important this would be and how strongly I would feel about having my partners more integrated in my life. In addition, as I know is tough to get the physical and emotional connection at home, I truly depend on my other partners to provide that.

My question to you guys:

Is it irrational to let everything go in order to fully live my life as a poly person? Am I asking for too much?

My friends advice that my wife has already opened up enough now is up to me to compromise. I see where they come from but I fear this is something that's going to remain with us forever and not sure how to move forward. On the one hand I don't want to leave my wife and my soon to be born child, but on the other hand this seems to be the only way I could live a full life in the way I would like to (knowing that of course this is easier said than done)

I would appreciate any thoughts you guys may have and hopefully I was able to convey accurately what's going on here.