Ive been solo poly, somewhat inactive for about a yr and a half. Ive been stuggling with alot and learning to be more independent. Ive found that I just cant feel whole without an outlet for love, physical aspects and the shared emotional support a steady relationship brings. I live in a rural area where poly is rare and often shunned. I have found plebty of long distance oppertunities but they are often put on the side burner by one or both of us for long periods and, being touch oriented, they really dont saticfy me. Recently Ive had some local dating opertunities come up but I always seem to be secondary. Adulting gets in the way or something comes up with their primary and I hurts deep on top of my other burdens. I really want to feel like a priority on some level. Sharing on an equal level dosnt bother me, partners being married dosnt bother me, co-parenting issues with another partner dosnt bother me....not getting my time bothers me. Not getting that NRE. Not getting to enjoy my partner. Worrying if I will get so see them at all that week. I'm lost. I know Im responsible for my own feelings but, I know what I need and it seems so far out of reach. How do I deal with this?