Hi r/polyamory! It seems like we only meet when I need help, but hey, 'issues' is in the sidebar, right?

Anyway, a couple of years ago you gave my partner and I some advice and since then we run into a dilemma. I'll link the original post for those that like reading, but tl;dr she came out as poly, we accepted the change to our relationship and cracked on with life!

The problem comes with exactly what poly means for each of us. For my partner, polyamory is The Way She Is. It's her sexual preference, as immutable as her pale skin and webbed toes.

For me it's different, I was happy in a monogamous relationship. And I'm happy in a polyamorous one. I was in a brief triad previously and just about anything is groovy for me. And therein lies the problem.

The side affect of my laissez-faire attitude is that she feels as though my indifference means my potential attention to other partners is by choice (which it is) and is therefore opportunistic and a touch dishonest.

I totally understand where she's coming from here, and her feelings are authentic and I respect them. She feels the fact I indulge because I can rather than that I have to, it's clandestine in some way.

Can someone help us understand what this difference means, is it common? Am I an ass?

A brief note that neither of us have had a partner since we opened the relationship up except a brief physical fling on her part, but we express our desires to each other regularly so we feel our relationship IS poly.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/2n8k5a/my_girlfriend_came_out_as_polyamorous_please_help/