Hi there!

I'm 24, and in a poly relationship with a lovely girl. I'm also pretty active in the local poly community, I do a lot for our group here and I organise meet ups. I am very clear to everyone I go on dates with: I won't stop being polyamorous.

A while ago I started dating a 30 yo guy who was pretty new to the concept of poly. He hasn't had many relationships in general. I explained polyamory, made him part of the group, encouraged him to go on dates and come to poly meets, talked about my other connections often etc. I like him and would like to continue dating him, so I try to get him involved so he can figure out whether this could work for him. Recently we had a chat about our feelings about this connection and he mentioned that he's getting feelings for me but polyamory might not be for him. He's not really sure, but leaning more towards no. I asked him if there was a specific reason why, and he told me he would keep on comparing himself to other partners.

I told him that my reason for seeing him is that he is who he is. Tomorrow someone way funnier/more charming/more handsome/... could walk into my life but they wouldn't be him and that's what matters. I also paid him a compliment (the orgasms I've been having with him are the best I've ever had) and that if none of this changed how he feels, that's also fine.

I'm wondering whether there's anything else that I can say to him to make him feel better. I mean, if he still decides monogamy is just his thing then fine and we'll just be friends, but I can't deny that I'd like it better if he were to really give poly a shot.

TL;DR: New guy I'm dating says poly might not be for him because he'll start comparing himself to other partners, looking for something to say that will make him feel better