I am in a don't ask don't tell polyamory relationship. When I got into my current relationship I was in the process of defining myself and considered myself more of a non-monogamish type of person. I told my partner about this and she agreed to be in a relationship with me. Since then, she has accepted that we are in an open relationship, knows that I am poly and date multiple people but has kindly asked me not to tell her about my dating or poly activities.

We have tried this for the last few years and it has been fairly ok. The problem it brings is that sometimes I go out of my way for her NOT to find out what I am doing....I feel weird doing sleep-overs and also try to schedule dates for when I would have gone out for drinks with my friends anyway. To be honest this is not so bad but I feel like I am lying. Other issues that come up is when new partners want to meet my girlfriend. Obviously that would mess things up. In short, though theoretically I should be fine doing poly....emotionally I feel like I am lying and as a result it has kept me from fully exploring my sexuality.

I know this is a problem with me and not with her...but I wonder how you guys have handled this and whether you have any tips on how to deal with this? I have talked to her various times and she reaffirms that it is hurtful for her to know about my dating life or when I go to events and she would rather not know (even though she occasionally dates other people herself).

Any advice is appreciated!