So my girlfriend settled me down for 'a talk' this weekend, and announced that she thinks she is polyamorous. This is obviously a big deal for her, she cried and said that it had been eating her up for months or more so I don't doubt the authenticity of her feelings. I also know that this doesn't mean she loves me any less, that doesn't worry me.

But honestly... this wasn't a shock for me. We've been partners now for 8 years, so I think I know her pretty well. I actually thought this was an established fact about her romantic potential, but she had never thought about it (I guess I knew before she did). I've suspected that she had a crush on someone else for a while and have been subtly trying to get her to talk to me about it.

It's certainly not going to stop me loving her, and seeing as prior to meeting her I had been involved in a brief relationship of mutual attraction with two other people its not outside my own experiences. I also didn't expect her to go the next 50 years of our future without finding another person she loves.

That said, it is outside the current rules of our relationship, which is that we are monogamous. I've told her that I need a week or so to digest what this means for our relationship, and next weekend we can decide, together, on new rules going forwards. I want to be clear: leaving her is not something I'll consider.

So we are going to need a new set of rules for our relationship, about how and who she (or I) can pursue other interests. So please, r/polyamory, help us with a few things we should consider in building the next, brave new phase of our relationship. What are the biggest challenges? What are the greatest benefits? What ground rules and red lines do you draw in your relationships that might be worth considering.

Thanks