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Well, iām all kinds of mixed up. In november i asked to deescalate with my NP (30M) as we werenāt on the same page regarding key things in our lives - kids bring the most obvious one (amount others). I explained that I would be moving out of our shared living situation (I own the house) and he could stay renting there, but I would be leaving the country to move in with my satellite partner, someone that iām planning to escalate with - of course they want that too and weāre very excited for this new phase of our relationship.
Part of the deescalation plan was to try forming a more platonic partnership bond while we still live together for the 5 months before I go.
Recently his attitude has shifted into a more standard breakup vibe. Heās away a lot at his partners that heās himself escalating with, and he is super defensive when he speaks to me and clearly is holding resentment and anger.
Iām in a hard spot because iām alone without any other partners and the village I live in is very isolated. Iām trying to have compersion toward my ex and his partner - who have been dating 2 months and are in full swing NRE, doing all the things we used to do. However, Iām finding it really hard not to feel sad and lonely, esp with a LDR. The compersion is so difficult to hold now though, I just feel sad when I think about them on holidays together doing things that I would have normally done.
I thought we could be friends, but he doesnāt seem to want to be my friend either - shutting down any āniceā ideas I have, like why donāt we play some card games tonight - no. I didnāt deescalate because I donāt like him or even fancy him, itās just that we arenāt looking at the same horizon for our futures. So itās really mixed up and confusing to live together, while trying a more radical break up style, and see him daily with his new person, when I feel lonely, and I feel his anger (which is also an emotion thatās fair in a breakup, I do get that)
Is this unnecessary torture ? Has anyone had a similar experience ?
Only a few months left to go, but could use some support / advice ā¦
btw I canāt leave the country any sooner due to Visa reasons. I also donāt want to ask him to move out because heāll be a fantastic renter and carer for the house. also iām 32(F) and my satellite partner is 39(M) forgot to put that at the top.
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