Hi all! So I'm relatively new to poly in practice. Have been curious for ages, and have dipped my toes in the ENM world in a number of my past relationships, but this is the first time in my life I've actually been romantically in love with two people simultaneously. It's mostly been pretty great! I'm a few months into my newest relationship (let's just say "GF #2") and they both started getting serious around the same time, with GF #1 being more of a long slow burn. I've been really happily surprised by how relatively easy things have been – there's been some bumps around communication, jealousy, and insecurity for sure, but for the most part we've all been handling it with such openness and love and compassion, it makes me feel incredibly hopeful for both relationships.

Now to my question: recently I've been thinking about the role that social media, particularly Instagram, might play in these relationships, and the issues that might come out of it. GF #1 doesn't share much of themselves on IG: mostly they use it for sharing political content, memes, etc. GF #2 posts more photos and videos of themselves, their friends, their day to day life, etc. So far I've yet to share much together with either of them (certainly no "coupley" photos), but as things have become more serious with both that's probably going to be changing soon, and I'm wondering what I need to keep in mind to handle that as sensitively as possible.

All three of us are new to polyamory in practice, so it can be hard to predict sometimes how we'll feel about certain things. I talk very openly with each partner about their respective metas, but there's something very different between hearing "I love this person" or "I had a date night with this person" and actually seeing that with your own eyes.

To give a specific example: last night GF #2 and I went to a bar with a photobooth and took some extremely cute photobooth pics together. They're what you'd expect: laughing, kissing each other's cheeks, kissing on the lips, making silly faces, etc. GF #2 hasn't shared the pics on Instagram yet but I suspect they want to (and so do I!). But I want to have a discussion with GF #1 first about how she thinks she'll feel about it, or at least give her a heads up so she's not blindsided. They're definitely the most "coupley" or "PDA" photos I'll have publicly shared of either partner, so I'm anticipating that might bring up some feelings for GF #1.

We wouldn't want to set restrictive rules about what kinds of images with our other partners we're allowed to share publicly. I know eventually we'll have to cross this bridge and get used to this. (And even though we're doing parallel poly and taking things very slow, both partners have expressed enthusiasm about meeting each other eventually.) I also don't want to feel like there has to be this formulaic parity to every relationship milestone or public expression of affection. GF #1 has met some of my family and GF #2 hasn't yet, for instance, but I'm sure that'll happen at some point. Each partner uses social media in very different ways. GF #1 might not even want to post those kinds of photos of us together... but I suspect it might still sting to see me posting them with GF #2 but not with them.

I want to have a discussion with GF #1 about all this, but how do I broach that topic? What should I be asking? What should I be offering as ways to help manage potential jealousy or giving reassurance?