Hi all,

I'm just feeling sad today. I very much love and cherish the depth of relationship that I have with my partner, but I am struggling seeing her in NRE with a new person for the first time.

Specifically, I am remembering how it feels, and I am sad that I can't share that experience with my long term partner again. Thinking about them all the time, hickeys everywhere, just jumping on them as soon as you get the chance. It is definitely the sexual desireability part that is making me feel sad. I have some FOMO about not being able to have those chemically induced, passionate make out sessions with my NP. I also feel like even before the NRE, I was working to take up more space sexually; it's hard for me to share what I want. I want to feel desired or be pounced on on occassion. But now, seeing her in NRE makes me feel even more ridiculous. It feels like asking her to "fake it" with me.

Anyway, I would love to also experience those sexy feelings with someone else, but I am a long and slow romantic who is very busy with college at the moment and that is also adding to the FOMO. However, my therapist once said "If everyone were obsessed with each other all the time, nothing would ever get done"

I'm trying to remind myself that there will be seasons of my life for rolling around with my lover all day, but I am coping with the fact that it isn't that season for me with my NP or anyone else right now. Maybe something will fall into my lap like it did for my NP, or maybe I'll find something with intention when I live in a bigger place with more time on my hands, or maybe Eros will strike my NP and I and we'll be a little more obsessive and spontaneous again.

NP has also been house sitting for a week and sleeping alone has been giving me a little too much thinking time.

Thanks for listening. Hugs.