I’ve been dating this amazing woman for a little while now, and I’m struggling to make sense of what’s happening. From the beginning, she was upfront about being married and also having a boyfriend. She mentioned early on that her boyfriend was a little jealous of her dating me but ultimately fine with it. Despite that, she was really flirty and constantly expressed interest in coming back to my place—saying things like, “God, I wish we had somewhere to go right now.” That made me feel like she really wanted to explore something deeper with me.

Fast forward to now: I finally got a place to myself for a couple of weeks (I’d been house-sitting or subletting before), and I was so excited to finally have the chance to share that space with her. She came over last night after a lovely sauna date, but when we got back to my place, things took a turn. She wouldn’t have a drink with me and then told me she had to go home because her husband was feeling jealous and wanted her back.

She even showed me the text from him, so I know it wasn’t just a lie. But it still felt so confusing. Earlier in our dating, she told me her husband didn’t have an issue with her dating other people, and now suddenly, he’s jealous, too? I thought this was what we were both looking forward to—she’d been vocal about wanting to come back with me before, and I was really hoping she’d stay the night.

We kissed at the door before she left, and I told her I wanted her to stay. She said, “Maybe another time, an earlier night,” and left. Now I’m left feeling like something has changed, but I don’t know if it’s her feelings for me, the dynamics with her husband and boyfriend, or something else entirely.

I’m trying to understand: • Does she really desire me, or is she pulling away? • Is this about her navigating jealousy from her partners, or is it just an excuse because she’s unsure about me? • What should I do now?

I want to believe that her complicated situation is what’s making this hard, but I also don’t want to keep putting myself out there if she’s not invested.

I sent her a voice-note after she left tonight essentially just asking her straight up is she still wanted to sleep together or where her head is at.

Thinking I should say this: I feel like I’m more invested in this than you are right now, and that’s hard for me. With how much I travel, I was really hoping we’d make the most of our time together. I’m also a little confused because you mentioned M and J were okay with you dating, but it doesn’t feel like that’s the case.