I (37F) am new to polyamory and have been slowly moving through learning and discovering how things make me feel.

My partner Aspen (M) is not and has been poly for 15 years and has multiple other partners. Ive met them all, they all have other partners too. All of them talk about casual hookups with each other.

I specifically wanted to find a partner who was accepting of a brand of ENM as I would like to still have the freedom to explore experiences and connect with other people.

But every time I have a casual hookup I feel awful. I feel like I'm damaging my relationship with Aspen. Everytime I tell him, he is happy for me, asks if they were a nice person, did I feel safe. Encourages me to call him if anything were to go wrong with a hookup. He is clearly not giving me a reason to think I am damaging my relationship, but thats how it feels to me.

How do I chill out and actually enjoy myself without constantly feel like I'm cheating on someone and hurting them?