How my polyamory journey started a few years ago:

Me: I feel a romantic connection with more than one person, and I think that’s okay. Wheeeee, I must be poly!

How my polyamory journey is going today:

Me: Am I codependent or counterdependent?

Me: Yes.

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What I’ve learned in the last year:

1. Polyamory isn’t just about love—it’s about the ethical management of loving relationships.

2. Hinge skills aren’t just for hinges. Everyone is the hinge of their own life.

3. Polyamory skills are simply Jedi-level relationship skills. Everything I’ve learned here can uplevel any relationship structure. With that mindset, polyamory isn’t so different from monogamy, and monogamy isn’t so different from polysaturation at one.

4. Loving two people and loving someone who loves two people are entirely different experiences.

5. Love and compatibility are—sometimes heartbreakingly—not the same thing.

6. A boundary is not the same as an agreement is not the same as a rule. Conflate these at your own peril.

7. Love and loving relationships can be the simplest, most intuitive things—and at the same time the most complex and challenging things.

8. The most important relationship to nurture in polyamory is the one with yourself.

9. Measuring relationship success by quality rather than exclusivity—and working on your relationship using the same metric—is the secret sauce.

10. A relationship that ends is more successful than a relationship that continues when it should end.

11. Agency is everything! Own yours—and respect everyone else’s.

12. I expected polyamory to liberate me to love more broadly. Instead, to my surprise, it has taught me to love more deeply.

How is your poly journey going? What have you learned in the last year?