ok, I'll try to keep the backstory short. my wife (f32) & i (m34) opened up our relationship in end of oct. she's poly & i'm just standard enm (at least when we started). it started out fine, but in the course of looking around & talking to people, we learned a lot about our relationship, what we wanted im our relationship, what we were getting from the other, which unfortunately led to a sort of mental break for me. I started going to therapy, & have veen doing lost of reading & soul searching, I learned I had been loving with a lot of self hate my whole life & never really had any ambitions or desire & any that I did have I lost interest because I willing or unwittingly let myself be consumed for my love for my wife. suffice it to say, I don't really know who I am any more, what passions I have if any, not to mention the blow I took to my confidence (of which I barely had any because of decades of self hate) & to my libido (though that is slowly coming back). guess what I'm trying to say is I don't really know who I am anymore. idk if sleeping around while my wife has relationships would help (which since this was the original plan when we started anyway is fine with my wife) or if I should consider my own poly relationship that is more than just physical. either way I feel hesitant because I don't know if it would help or hurt my psyche, I've also never been with another woman apart from my wife for over 15 yrs now. where can I even find women who would be patient with me & ok with that? what can I do to learn more about myself & my wants & desires & needs?