I [26/f] am in a Vee Structure . My partner [22/f] has a primary unit. She has two kids under the age of 3, and a boyfriend. I am not a parent to her children however I am a constant adult figure in their lives. I have chosen to be more of an aunt or god mother to the children. I have taken them to the park and other adventures, bought diapers etc. I see them at least 2x a week (for several hours) for the past 8 months. They know me and I know them.

The eldest child’s birthday was today - she turned the big 3. lol I bought gifts for her. I had them kept at my partners house as I would wrap them when I came for her birthday party on Sunday. Today I was told her birthday was going to be a day where they were going to have just a easy going day with her and just spend time with her. Festivities would be on Sunday.

Imagine my annoyance when my partner calls me and informs me she gave her the gifts I bought for her. She said she essentially didn’t see the problem. I informed her that I bought her the gifts so I could give them to her - which she knew because I was so excited to see he unwrap them come her birthday. The problem is I wanted to wrap the gifts and be there with her while she opened them. I wanted us to have that experience. I feel like it was very inconsiderate and not something she should have mindlessly done.

I’m hurt , annoyed. And I feel like she disrespected me because this isn’t the first time she has taken it upon herself to overstep and make decisions that are not for her to make at all (or solely make). It’s like she doesn’t think things through and then doesn’t apologize when she hurts her partners . She just gets defensive.

Should I say something to her today? Or wait until her child’s birthday is over? Like tomorrow or the day after that.